Hello Inspirers
We need to talk about that weird, sinking feeling you get right when everything is going well. You know the one I’m talking about. You just landed a promotion, or you had an amazing date, or you finally hit your savings goal. You should be popping champagne and dancing in your kitchen. But instead, you find yourself picking a fight with your partner over the dishwasher. Or you suddenly get the flu. Or you start worrying about a hypothetical catastrophe that hasn't happened yet.
For years, I thought this was just "bad luck." I thought the universe had a checks-and-balances system where every good thing had to be paid for with a bad thing. I walked around waiting for the other shoe to drop, terrified that if I smiled too big, life would notice and smack me back down. I was living in a constant state of low-grade anxiety, even—and especially—when life was good.
But then I learned about a concept called the "Upper Limit Problem," coined by psychologist Gay Hendricks. The theory is simple but earth-shattering: we all have an internal "thermostat" for how much success, love, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed that setting, we subconsciously self-sabotage to bring ourselves back down to a temperature we find comfortable. We don't fear failure; we fear maintaining success.
If you have ever ruined a perfect moment for no logical reason, you aren't broken. You just have a thermostat that is set too low. The good news is that you can reset it. But first, you have to recognize the glitch in your system. In 2026, where we are obsessed with "growth hacks," the ultimate hack is actually learning how to tolerate feeling good without panicking.
Here are the five subtle signs that you are hitting your "Upper Limit," and the practical mindset shifts you need to break through the glass ceiling of your own happiness.
1. You Treat Worry Like a Protective Amulet
The most common way we cap our happiness is through worry. But I’m not talking about productive concern, like checking if you locked the door. I’m talking about the worry that feels like a superstition. We convince ourselves that if we worry hard enough, we can prevent bad things from happening. We think our anxiety is the glue holding our lives together.
I used to believe that if I let my guard down and truly relaxed, I would be blindsided by a disaster. So, whenever I felt a moment of pure peace, my brain would scramble to find something to stress about. "Sure, the rent is paid, but what about the economy in five years?" "Yes, my partner loves me, but what if they change their mind?" It was exhausting.
We do this because worry feels safer than joy. Joy is vulnerable. Joy requires us to be open and exposed. Worry, on the other hand, gives us a false sense of control. It makes us feel like we are "doing something," even if that something is just churning stomach acid.
To break this, you have to catch yourself in the act. When you notice you are manufacturing worry during a happy moment, say to yourself: "I am upper-limiting right now." Acknowledge that the worry isn't real; it's just your ego trying to drag you back to a familiar state of stress.
You have to build the capacity to feel safe when things are quiet. It takes practice to sit in the sunshine without looking for storm clouds. But remind yourself that worrying about the future doesn't change it; it only steals the peace of the present.
2. The "Deflection" of Compliments and Kindness
Pay close attention to what you do when someone gives you a genuine compliment. Do you look them in the eye and say "Thank you," or do you immediately deflect it? "Oh, this old shirt? I got it on sale, it’s nothing." "Thanks, but the team did all the work, I just helped." "You think I look good? I haven't slept in three days."
Deflecting compliments is a classic Upper Limit behavior. It is a way of rejecting the flow of positive energy because receiving it feels too intense. We are taught to be humble, but there is a difference between humility and an inability to receive. When you deflect praise, you are essentially telling the universe, "No thanks, I’m full. I can't take any more love."
This extends to help, too. Do you struggle to let people do things for you? Do you insist on carrying all the grocery bags, planning all the trips, and handling all the emotional labor? This is often because letting someone else support you challenges your identity as the "strong, independent one."
Accepting kindness requires vulnerability. It requires you to admit that you have needs and that you are worthy of having those needs met. When you block the flow of coming in, you stifle your own growth. You create a bottleneck where you are giving and giving, but never replenishing your own well.
The fix is uncomfortable but simple. The next time someone compliments you, pause. Don't speak immediately. Take a breath. And then just say, "Thank you." Don't explain. Don't qualify it. Just let the good feeling land in your body and stay there. It will feel weird at first, but you are stretching your capacity to receive.
3. You Pick Fights to Create "Comfortable" Chaos
Relationships are often the biggest victims of the Upper Limit Problem. Have you ever noticed that you and your partner often get into a stupid argument right after a really wonderful intimacy or a great date night? One minute you are laughing, and the next you are screaming about whose turn it is to take out the trash.
We do this because deep intimacy is terrifying. When we get too close to someone, our old wounds and abandonment triggers start to flare up. To protect ourselves from the potential pain of loss, we create distance. We manufacture a fight to lower the emotional voltage. We subconsciously think, "If I push them away a little bit, I’m safe."
It creates a cycle of "come here, go away." We crave love, but when we get it, we panic and sabotage it. We replace the terrifying vulnerability of love with the familiar irritation of conflict. Anger is a much easier emotion to process than pure, unadulterated joy.
I remember ruining a vacation once because everything was going too perfectly. I felt so happy it scared me. So, I fixated on a tiny comment my friend made and blew it up into a two-day drama. I traded a memory of paradise for a memory of resentment, all because I didn't know how to handle how good I felt.
To stop this, you need to recognize the "fear of intimacy" when it arises. When you feel the urge to snap at a loved one right after a good moment, ask yourself: "Am I actually mad, or am I just trying to create distance?" usually, it’s the latter. Take a timeout instead of picking a fight.
4. Sickness and Injury as a "Brake Pedal"
This one is controversial, but many experts in psychosomatic medicine agree: sometimes we get sick because we need a break and we don't know how to ask for one. Have you ever been on a roll at work, crushing your goals, feeling unstoppable, and then suddenly you trip and sprain your ankle? or you come down with a mystery flu the day before a big presentation?
Our bodies and minds are connected. When we are pushing past our Upper Limit of success, our subconscious mind might pull the emergency brake. It says, "Whoa, slow down! It's not safe to be this powerful. It's not safe to be this visible." So, it manifests a physical reason for us to stop.
It is also a way of punishing ourselves for success. If we feel guilty about doing better than our parents or our friends, we might subconsciously injure ourselves to "even the score." It’s a way of saying, "Don't worry, I’m not that lucky. Look, I have a broken leg."
I am not saying that every cold is a psychological issue. Germs are real. But if you notice a pattern of getting sick or hurt exactly when your life is taking an upswing, it is worth examining. Are you afraid of the new responsibility that comes with success? Are you afraid of leaving people behind?
The antidote to this is conscious rest. You have to give yourself permission to rest before your body forces you to. You have to tell your nervous system that it is safe to be successful and healthy at the same time. You don't need to pay for your wins with your health.
5. Hiding Your Light to "Fit In"
The final sign of an Upper Limit Problem is "dimming." This happens when you have good news, but you hesitate to share it because you are afraid of making other people jealous or uncomfortable. You downplay your salary. You don't mention your new relationship. You act like your achievements were just accidents.
We are social creatures, and our primitive brains equate "belonging" with survival. We are terrified that if we shine too bright, the tribe will reject us. So, we dim our light to match the wattage of the people around us. We participate in commiseration instead of celebration. We bond over complaints rather than dreams.
But here is the hard truth: You cannot serve the world by playing small. When you hide your gifts, you are stealing from the people who need them. And the people who would reject you for your success? They aren't your tribe. They are the people you have outgrown.
Dimming doesn't help anyone. It doesn't help your friends feel better; it just enables their own scarcity mindset. Real friends want to see you fly. They want to celebrate you. If you have to shrink to fit into a room, you are in the wrong room.
Start practicing "unapologetic sharing." Share your wins with people who can hold them. Notice how it feels to say, "I’m really proud of myself," without following it up with a self-deprecating joke. It will feel dangerous at first, but eventually, it will feel like freedom.
Conclusion: Breaking the Glass Ceiling
The Upper Limit Problem is essentially an identity crisis. You have an internal image of who you are and how much happiness you deserve. When your reality exceeds that image, your alarm bells go off. The only way to stop the self-sabotage is to upgrade your identity.
You have to expand your capacity for joy. Think of it like stretching a muscle. You have to practice feeling good for longer periods of time. When a happy moment comes, sit with it. Let it soak into your cells. Don't rush to the next task. Don't look for the catch. Just breathe and say, "I am willing to feel this good."
It takes courage to be happy. It is actually an act of rebellion in a world that sells us fear and scarcity. But you owe it to yourself to find out how good life can actually get if you stop getting in your own way.
Your potential is infinite. Your joy should be, too. Don't let an old, outdated thermostat determine the temperature of your future. Shatter the glass, turn up the heat, and step into the life you were actually meant to live.
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