We are obsessed with addition.
If you walk into the self-help section of any bookstore, or scroll through the "Productivity" hashtag on TikTok, the advice is almost always about adding something new to your life.
Add a 5:00 AM wake-up call. Add a cold plunge. Add a twenty-step skincare routine. Add a side hustle. Add meditation. Add journaling.
For years, I treated my personal development like a game of Tetris. I kept trying to cram more and more "good habits" into my day, convinced that if I just stacked them perfectly, I would unlock the next level of success.
I didn't unlock success. I unlocked burnout.
My calendar was color-coded to the minute, but my brain was a fog. I was doing everything "right," yet I felt like I was running in quicksand.
Then, I stumbled upon a concept called Via Negativa.
It’s a Latin phrase used in theology and later popularized by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. It essentially means improving situations by removing the negative rather than adding the positive.
In simple terms: To get healthy, it’s more effective to remove cigarettes than to add organic kale.
To get wealthy, it’s more effective to stop spending on things you don't need than to try to earn a slightly higher yield on your savings.
I realized I didn't need a new app or a new morning routine. I needed a machete.
I spent the last year ruthlessly auditing my life. I looked for the invisible anchors that were dragging me down—the habits, mindsets, and commitments that were silently killing my progress.
Here are the 6 "Silent Killers" I cut loose, and how doing less actually helped me achieve more.
1. The "Open Loop" of Half-Finished Projects
There is a psychological phenomenon known as the Zeigarnik Effect.
Discovered by Russian psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik in the 1920s, it states that our brains remember uncompleted tasks better than completed ones.
When you leave a task unfinished, your brain keeps a mental "tab" open for it. It runs in the background, draining your cognitive battery, even when you aren't consciously thinking about it.
I used to be the King of Starting. I had a half-written novel, three half-built websites, and a garage full of half-finished DIY projects.
I thought I was being ambitious. In reality, I was creating a massive amount of mental drag.
Every time I sat down to do focused work, these "open loops" would whisper at me. You haven't finished that course yet. You still need to fix that shelf.
It created a low-level anxiety that made deep focus impossible.
How I Removed It:
I declared "Bankruptcy" on my projects.
I wrote down every single unfinished task or project in my life. The list was terrifyingly long.
Then, I looked at each one and asked: "Is this essential to who I want to be right now?"
If the answer was no, I crossed it out. I literally told myself, "I am never going to finish this, and that is okay."
I deleted the drafts. I threw away the half-sanded wood.
I kept only three active projects.
The relief was instant. It felt like my brain had suddenly freed up gigabytes of RAM.
2. The "Notification Economy" (Reclaiming Attention)
We treat our attention like it’s cheap. It’s not. It is the most valuable currency we have.
Cal Newport, the author of Deep Work, argues that the ability to focus without distraction is becoming a superpower in our economy because it is becoming so rare.
I used to pride myself on being responsive. If my phone buzzed, I looked. If an email pinged, I answered.
I thought this made me efficient. I thought it made me a "hustler."
But actually, it made me a slave to other people's agendas.
Every notification is a demand for your time. When you leave them on, you are essentially walking around with a sign that says, "Please interrupt me."
Scientists have found that it takes an average of 23 minutes to get back into a state of deep flow after a distraction.
If you get interrupted three times an hour, you are mathematically incapable of doing deep work.
How I Removed It:
I went nuclear on my notifications.
I didn't just silence them; I disabled them.
Today, my phone does not ring, buzz, or light up unless it is a phone call from one of five specific people (my immediate family).
Instagram doesn't notify me. WhatsApp doesn't notify me. Email definitely doesn't notify me.
I check these things, but I check them on my terms, during scheduled blocks of time.
The first week was hard. I felt "phantom vibrations" in my pocket. I had a fear of missing out (FOMO).
But by week two, my anxiety plummeted. I realized the world doesn't end if I answer an email three hours later.
3. The "Shadow Career" (The Safe Choice)
Steven Pressfield, in his masterpiece The War of Art, talks about the concept of a "Shadow Career."
This is a pursuit that looks like your dream job, but isn't. It’s a safer, watered-down version of what you actually want to do.
For example, you want to be a writer, but you are scared of rejection, so you become an editor.
You want to be an entrepreneur, but you are scared of risk, so you become a business consultant.
I realized I was spending 80% of my energy on a side business that I didn't even like. I was doing it because it was "sensible." It was making money, but it wasn't making me happy.
It was a silent killer because it was just successful enough to keep me trapped. It was stealing the energy I needed for the things I actually cared about.
How I Removed It:
This was the hardest one. I had to quit something that was working.
I had to look in the mirror and admit that I was using "busyness" as a shield to hide from the fear of chasing my real dream.
Strategic quitting is a skill. We are taught that "winners never quit," but that is terrible advice.
Winners quit all the time. They quit the things that aren't moving the needle so they can double down on the things that are.
I wound down the business. It was terrifying. My income dipped.
But the energy I got back? It was explosive. I channeled it into my writing, and within six months, I had made more progress than I had in the previous six years.
4. The "Yes" Reflex (People Pleasing)
Greg McKeown, the author of Essentialism, has a brilliant quote: "If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will."
I suffered from a chronic inability to say "No."
Can you pick my brain for coffee? Yes.
Can you join this committee? Yes.
Can you help me move this couch? Yes.
I told myself I was just being a nice guy. I was being helpful.
But deep down, it wasn't about kindness. It was about fear. I was afraid that if I said no, people wouldn't like me. I was trading my time for approval.
The problem is, when you say "yes" to everyone else, you are saying "no" to yourself.
You are saying "no" to your goals, your rest, and your family.
You end up resentful, tired, and mediocre at everything because you are spread so thin.
How I Removed It:
I implemented a "24-Hour Rule."
If someone asks me for a commitment—whether it's a social event or a work project—I never give an answer in the moment.
I say: "Let me check my calendar and get back to you tomorrow."
This buys me space. It removes the social pressure of the moment.
When I look at the request calmly the next day, I ask myself: "If this was happening tomorrow morning, would I want to go?"
Usually, the answer is no.
I learned that a polite "No" is actually more respectful than a resentful "Yes."
5. The "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" Mentality
In my twenties, I wore my sleep deprivation like a badge of honor.
I thought needing 8 hours of sleep was a sign of weakness. I thought successful people operated on 4 hours of sleep and 4 shots of espresso.
I was wrong.
Matthew Walker, a neuroscientist and author of Why We Sleep, puts it bluntly: "The shorter your sleep, the shorter your life."
Sleep isn't a luxury. It is a biological necessity. It is when your brain cleans itself of toxins. It is when your memories are consolidated. It is when your emotions are regulated.
When I was chronically sleep-deprived, my decision-making was garbage. I was irritable. I lacked creativity.
I was working more hours, but getting less done because my brain was firing on three cylinders.
How I Removed It:
I stopped viewing sleep as the thing I did with the time left over. I started viewing it as the appointment I scheduled my day around.
I set a reverse alarm clock. If I need to wake up at 7:00 AM, I need to be asleep by 11:00 PM, which means I need to be in bed winding down by 10:15 PM.
I treated 10:15 PM with the same rigidity as a flight departure time. If I miss it, I miss the flight.
The difference in my personal development was night and day.
When you are well-rested, challenges that used to break you just roll off your back. You have the emotional resilience to handle life.
6. The "Comparison Trap" (Social Media Envy)
Theodore Roosevelt famously said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."
In 2025, comparison isn't just a thief; it’s a highly organized crime syndicate.
We carry around devices that broadcast the highlight reels of millions of people directly into our pockets 24/7.
I would scroll through LinkedIn and feel like a failure because someone younger than me just sold their startup.
I would scroll through Instagram and feel unfit because someone had better abs.
This constant comparison creates a subconscious narrative: You are not enough.
It paralyzes you. Instead of working on your own path, you waste energy wondering why your path doesn't look like theirs.
How I Removed It:
I realized that I was comparing my "behind-the-scenes" with everyone else's "trailer."
I know my own struggles, my doubts, and my messy mornings. I don't see theirs. I only see their curated victories.
I did a massive social media purge.
I unfollowed anyone who made me feel envious or inadequate, even if they were friends.
I started following people who were transparent about their struggles.
But more importantly, I started practicing "competing with yesterday."
I keep a journal where I track my own metrics. Am I stronger than I was last month? Am I writing better than I was last year? Am I kinder than I was yesterday?
These are the only benchmarks that matter.
The Power of the Empty Space
When I removed these six things—the open loops, the notifications, the shadow careers, the people-pleasing, the sleep deprivation, and the comparison—something strange happened.
I felt... bored.
And that was scary at first. We are so used to noise that silence feels wrong.
But in that silence, I found myself again.
I found the energy to tackle the big, scary goals I had been ignoring. I found the clarity to know what I actually wanted.
Personal development isn't about becoming a different person. It’s about un-becoming everything that isn't you.
It’s about chipping away the marble to reveal the statue that was there all along.
My Challenge to You This Thursday
I want you to look at your life today not as a canvas to paint on, but as a closet to clean out.
Identify one silent killer from this list that resonates with you.
Maybe it’s the notifications. Maybe it’s a project you need to quit. Maybe it’s a commitment you need to say no to.
Take one action today to remove it.
Turn off the pings. Send the email resigning from the committee. Throw away the half-finished painting.
Feel the weight lift off your shoulders.
You don't need to add anything to be great. You just need to stop carrying things that aren't yours.
Let's travel light.
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