The air here in Kumasi is different in the early morning. As I sit here with a warm mug in my hands, watching the first hints of dawn paint the sky, there’s a quiet stillness. It’s a peace that I’ve learned to cherish, a peace I once felt was completely out of reach.
For years, I felt like I was running a race I hadn’t signed up for. I was doing all the "right" things—working hard, being a good friend, setting goals—but a persistent feeling of being stuck, of a quiet dissatisfaction, hummed just beneath the surface. It wasn't a loud, dramatic unhappiness. It was a subtle thief, stealing shades of colour from my world, one day at a time.
It turns out, the biggest barriers to our growth and happiness aren't usually the giant, obvious obstacles. They're the small, sneaky habits we perform on autopilot every single day. They’re the background noise we’ve gotten so used to, we don’t even realize they're drowning out the music of our own lives.
Today, I want to pull back the curtain on these quiet saboteurs. This isn't about judgment; it's about awareness. Because once you see them, you can’t unsee them. And that’s when you finally get to take your power back. Let's walk through this together.
1. The Endless Scroll into Nowhere
You know exactly what I’m talking about. You have a spare five minutes, so you pull out your phone just to "check" something. Forty-five minutes later, you emerge from a daze, having scrolled through a stranger's vacation photos, a political argument, and ten videos of cats falling off furniture. You don't feel rested or inspired; you feel… empty.
This habit is so incredibly sneaky because it masquerades as relaxation. We think we're "zoning out," but what we're actually doing is flooding our brains with information we don't need and curated images that often make us feel inadequate. It's a firehose of comparison and distraction aimed directly at our self-esteem.
Social psychologist Dr. Jonathan Haidt often speaks about the corrosive effect of this constant digital inundation on our mental well-being. It rewires our brains to seek constant, shallow dopamine hits, making it harder to find joy in simple, real-world moments. The beautiful sunset outside your window can't compete with the algorithm's latest offering.
Tip: It starts small. I didn’t delete all my apps. I just created "no-phone zones" and times. For example, the first 30 minutes of my day and the last hour before bed are now screen-free. I also started asking myself one question before opening an app: "What do I need right now?" Usually, the answer isn't what's on my phone; it's a glass of water, a stretch, or a moment of quiet.
2. The Reflexive "Yes"
“Can you help me move this weekend?” Yes. “Could you take on this extra project?” Yes. “Are you free to chair another committee?” Yes. For a long time, the word "yes" flew out of my mouth before my brain could even process the request. I thought I was being helpful and reliable. In reality, I was being a people-pleaser, and the person I was pleasing least of all was myself.
Every "yes" to something you don't want to do is a "no" to something you do need, whether that's rest, time with loved ones, or energy for your own passions. It's a habit that stems from a deep-seated fear of disappointing others, but it leads to a life built on their priorities, not yours.
Think of my friend, Ama. She was the go-to person for everyone. Her weekends were filled with helping others, yet she confessed to me that she hadn't had a single afternoon to read a book—her favourite pastime—in over six months. Her generosity was draining her own well of happiness.
Tip: Start practicing the "graceful no." You don't need a dramatic excuse. A simple, "Thank you for thinking of me, but I can't commit to that right now" is powerful. Entrepreneur Derek Sivers has a great rule of thumb: "If it's not a 'hell yeah!', then it's a no." Reclaiming your "no" gives your "yes" its value back.
3. Playing the Comparison Game
This one is as old as humanity, but social media has turned it into an Olympic sport. We scroll through perfectly filtered lives, comparing our behind-the-scenes reality with someone else's highlight reel. We compare our career path, our home, our relationships, our bodies, and we almost always find ourselves lacking.
Theodore Roosevelt wisely said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." It’s a game you can never win because there will always be someone who appears to have more, do more, or be more. It discounts your unique journey, your personal struggles, and your incredible triumphs.
I remember seeing an old university classmate post about their third promotion while I was struggling to get a new project off the ground. For a whole day, a cloud of failure hung over me. I forgot about the progress I had made and the challenges I had overcome. I let his highlight reel invalidate my entire story.
Tip: Practice gratitude with ruthless intention. When you feel the pull of comparison, stop and name three things in your own life that you are genuinely grateful for, right now. It could be the taste of your morning coffee, a kind word from a friend, or the strength in your body. This act shifts your focus from what you lack to the abundance you already possess.
4. Waiting for the "Perfect" Moment
"I'll start that business when I have more savings." "I'll start working out once I get the perfect gear." "I'll write that book when I feel truly inspired." We tell ourselves these things, believing we're being prudent and prepared. But more often than not, "waiting for the perfect moment" is just a beautiful mask for fear.
Perfectionism is a form of procrastination. We're so afraid of not doing it perfectly that we never do it at all. Life, however, is messy and imperfect. The magic doesn't happen in the "perfect" moment; it happens in the "right now" moment, with all its flaws and uncertainties.
As the great author and thinker Brené Brown puts it, "Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us, when in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight." We're so busy polishing the shield that we never enter the arena.
Tip: Embrace the "good enough" principle. Give yourself permission to be a beginner, to be awkward, to make mistakes. Instead of aiming to write the perfect chapter, just aim to write for 15 minutes. Instead of the perfect workout, just go for a 10-minute walk. Action, not perfection, is the engine of progress and the source of fulfillment.
5. The Glorification of "Busy"
How often have you asked someone how they are, only for them to respond with, "So busy!"? In our culture, "busy" has become a status symbol, a badge of honour. We equate a packed schedule with importance and a full life. But are we busy with purpose, or are we just… busy?
This habit of filling every waking moment with tasks, appointments, and distractions prevents us from ever just being. It keeps us from checking in with ourselves, from processing our emotions, and from finding clarity. We become human doings instead of human beings, and our soul pays the price.
A few years ago, my calendar was a source of pride—back-to-back meetings, social events every night. But I was exhausted, irritable, and disconnected from myself. I was busy, yes, but I wasn't productive in the ways that truly mattered for my well-being.
Tip: Schedule "nothing." Literally. Block out time in your calendar for white space. This is non-negotiable time for you to do whatever you feel like in the moment—stare out the window, listen to music, or simply sit in silence. You'll be amazed at the clarity and creativity that can emerge when you finally give your mind a chance to breathe.
6. Rehearsing Negative Self-Talk
Would you ever say to a friend, "You're not smart enough for that job," or "You always mess things up"? Of course not. Yet, we allow a critical inner voice to say these things—and worse—to us on a constant loop.
This habit is perhaps the sneakiest of all because it feels like our own voice, our own truth. We internalize past criticisms or our own insecurities until they become an automatic soundtrack of negativity. This inner critic drains our confidence, sabotages our efforts, and steals the joy from our accomplishments.
As psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson says, "The mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones." We remember the one piece of criticism over a hundred compliments. It’s a survival mechanism from our past, but in the modern world, it often does more harm than good.
Tip: Actively become your own best friend. When you hear that negative voice pop up, pause. Acknowledge it without judgment, and then consciously reframe it. If the voice says, "You can't do this," counter it with, "This is challenging, but I am capable of figuring it out." Over time, this conscious practice rewires those neural pathways, and a kinder, more compassionate inner voice begins to take the lead.
7. Living in the Past or the Future
This habit is a time-travel trick our minds play on us, and it robs us of the only moment that is ever real: the present. We either get stuck ruminating on past regrets and mistakes ("If only I had…") or we live in a state of constant anxiety about the future ("What if this happens?").
When we're mentally living in the past, we're haunted by ghosts. When we're living in the future, we're chased by phantoms. Either way, we're not present for our actual life. We miss the taste of our food, the warmth of a hug, the beauty of a simple conversation, because our mind is elsewhere.
I spent years replaying a failed business venture in my head, analyzing every mistake. Then, I’d flip to worrying about my financial future, creating dozens of catastrophic scenarios. My present moments were just stressful interludes between past pain and future fear.
Tip: Practice mindfulness. This doesn't mean you have to meditate for an hour every day. It can be as simple as focusing on your five senses for one minute. What are five things you can see right now? Four things you can feel? Three things you can hear? This simple exercise, as explained by masters like Eckhart Tolle, anchors you firmly in the "now," which is the only place where peace and joy can be found.
8. Neglecting Your Physical Foundation
We often treat our minds and bodies as separate entities. We try to "think" our way to happiness while running on caffeine, four hours of sleep, and processed food. But our mental and emotional well-being is intrinsically linked to our physical health.
Ignoring our body's basic needs for sleep, nutrition, and movement is a surefire way to steal our own joy. When you're sleep-deprived, your emotional regulation is compromised. When your body is poorly nourished, your mood can plummet. When you're sedentary, stagnant energy can manifest as anxiety or depression.
It’s not about having a perfect diet or running marathons. It's about respecting the simple, profound truth that your body is the home your mind lives in. A shaky foundation cannot support a happy home.
Tip: Pick one small thing. Don't try to overhaul everything at once. Maybe this week, you focus solely on going to bed 15 minutes earlier. Or you commit to a 10-minute walk during your lunch break. Or you make sure to drink a glass of water first thing in the morning. Small, consistent acts of physical self-care have a massive compounding effect on your overall happiness.
9. Seeking Your Worth Outside of Yourself
This is the grand finale of sneaky habits: basing your self-worth on external validation. This looks like constantly checking for likes on a social media post, needing a partner's approval to feel loved, or tying your entire identity to your job title or salary.
When your sense of self is outsourced, you are in a perpetually fragile state. Your mood and self-esteem are at the mercy of other people's opinions and circumstances beyond your control. You give away the keys to your own happiness and then wonder why you feel so powerless.
A talented artist I know would only feel good about her work if it sold or received glowing praise. On days when she didn't get that external validation, she would feel like a failure, completely forgetting the inherent joy and passion she felt during the act of creation itself.
Tip: Cultivate self-validation. Start a practice of acknowledging your own efforts and qualities, independent of any external feedback. At the end of each day, write down one thing you're proud of yourself for. It could be for handling a difficult conversation with grace, for sticking to a new habit, or for simply being kind to yourself on a tough day. Your worth is inherent. It’s not up for a vote.
The Journey Back to You
Seeing these habits laid out like this can feel a little overwhelming. You might recognize yourself in several of them (I know I did!). But the goal here isn't to create a new to-do list of things to "fix." The goal is simply awareness and self-compassion.
Breaking these patterns is a journey, not an overnight transformation. It's about making a gentle, conscious choice, one moment at a time. It's about choosing to put your phone down, to say a graceful "no," to speak kindly to yourself, and to anchor yourself in the present.
Each time you do, you reclaim a small piece of your joy. You take back a little more of your power. And slowly, almost without noticing, the background noise begins to fade, and you can start to hear the beautiful, unique music of your own life once again.
What about you? Which of these sneaky habits resonated with you the most? Share your thoughts in the comments below. We're all on this journey together.
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