Unshakeable You: 8 Powerful Moves to Overcome Insecurity and Own Your Awesome

Hey there, beautiful soul! 

Let's have a real, heart-to-heart chat about something we all wrestle with at some point: insecurities. Ugh, right? Those sneaky little voices that whisper doubts, fears, and that oh-so-common feeling of "Am I good enough?" Whether it's about our looks, our abilities, our choices, or even our place in the world, insecurities can feel like a heavy cloak we can't quite shrug off.

I’ve been there, you’ve been there, and guess what? Even the most confident-seeming people you know have probably battled their own inner critics. It’s part of the human experience. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean we have to let insecurities run the show and dim our sparkle. Absolutely not!

The good news is, we can learn to manage them, to turn down their volume, and to build a core of inner strength that helps us stand tall, even when those wobbly feelings try to creep in. It’s not about banishing insecurity forever – that might be like trying to catch the wind! It’s about learning how to deal with it, to understand it, and to not let it dictate our lives.

So, if you're ready to feel a bit more unshakeable and start owning your inherent awesome, grab a comfy seat, maybe a warm drink (I’m imagining a cup of Milo or a calming herbal tea right now!), and let's explore eight powerful moves together. This isn't about quick fixes, but real, doable steps that I've found make a world of difference.

1. Name It to Tame It: Acknowledge What's Really Going On

Okay, this first step sounds simple, but it’s surprisingly powerful. We often try to ignore our insecurities, push them down, or pretend they don't exist. But like a beach ball held underwater, they have a tendency to pop up with even more force when we least expect it.

So, the first move? Acknowledge it. Give that insecurity a name. Is it a fear of failure? A worry about what others think? A feeling of not being smart enough, attractive enough, or capable enough? I remember a time when I was terrified of public speaking. My heart would pound, palms would sweat – the whole nine yards. For the longest time, I just avoided it. But the feeling didn't go away; it just festered. It wasn't until I sat down and admitted, "Okay, I am deeply insecure about speaking in front of people because I'm afraid of sounding foolish," that I could even begin to address it.

Shining a light on the insecurity doesn't give it more power; it actually does the opposite. It brings it out of the shadows where it thrives on vagueness and fear. As the renowned psychologist Dr. Dan Siegel often talks about with emotions, the principle of "name it to tame it" is incredibly effective. When you can articulate what the insecurity is, you transform it from this big, scary monster into something specific, something you can actually start to understand and work with. It’s the difference between being lost in a dark forest and suddenly having a flashlight.

2. Challenge That Inner Critic: Is It Speaking Facts or Fear?

Once you've named your insecurity, it's time to get a little Socratic with that inner critic – you know, the voice that’s usually fueling the insecurity. This voice can be incredibly convincing, often masquerading as "truth" or "just being realistic." But more often than not, it’s speaking from a place of fear, past negative experiences, or unhelpful beliefs we've picked up along the way.

Ask yourself: Is this thought 100% true? What evidence do I have for it? What evidence do I have against it? What would I tell a dear friend if they came to me with this exact same thought? I’ve found this last question particularly eye-opening. We’re often so much kinder and more rational with our friends than we are with ourselves.

For example, if my inner critic pipes up with, "You're going to completely mess up this presentation," I've learned to pause and challenge it. "Okay, self, where's the proof? I've prepared. I know the material. I've given decent presentations before. So, while it's possible I might stumble on a word, is it a fact that I will completely mess it up? Probably not."

Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher and author who has spent decades studying vulnerability, shame, and courage, often talks about the stories we make up in our heads. She says, "The story I'm telling myself is..." This phrase is golden. It creates a little distance between you and the negative thought, allowing you to examine it more objectively. Is that story based on facts, or is it a fear-fueled narrative your insecurity is trying to sell you? More often than not, it's the latter.

3. Focus on Your Strengths & Past Wins: Build Your Evidence Locker

Insecurities have a nasty habit of making us hyper-focus on our perceived weaknesses and forget all the amazing things we are and all the things we have accomplished. It’s like wearing glasses that only show you the smudges and none of the beautiful view.

So, let's consciously shift that focus. Take some time – seriously, grab a notebook – and list your strengths. What are you good at? What do people compliment you on? What tasks make you feel competent and energized? Don't be shy! Maybe you're a great listener, a creative problem-solver, incredibly resilient, or you make a mean jollof rice! It all counts.

Then, think about your past wins. Times you overcame a challenge, achieved a goal (big or small), or made a positive impact. I keep a little "wins" folder in my email and a section in my journal. When that voice of insecurity gets loud, I can literally go back and read concrete evidence of my capabilities. It’s like building an evidence locker to counter the prosecution (your inner critic!).

The field of Positive Psychology, championed by figures like Dr. Martin Seligman, emphasizes the importance of focusing on strengths and positive experiences to build well-being. As Seligman suggests, using your signature strengths can lead to greater engagement and fulfillment. When you're actively using your strengths, there's less room for insecurity to take root because you're operating from a place of competence and confidence.

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat Yourself Like a Friend

This one is huge, and for many of us, it's a real learning curve. When we stumble or feel insecure, our default reaction is often self-criticism. We beat ourselves up, call ourselves names, and generally make ourselves feel worse. Imagine if you spoke to your friends the way you sometimes speak to yourself during moments of insecurity. You probably wouldn't have many friends left!

Self-compassion is about extending that same kindness, understanding, and support to yourself, especially when you're struggling. It’s not about making excuses or wallowing in self-pity; it's about acknowledging your pain and being gentle with yourself.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, defines it as having three main components: self-kindness (being gentle and understanding with ourselves rather than harshly critical), common humanity (recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience – everyone goes through this!), and mindfulness (holding our painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness rather than over-identifying with them).

So, the next time insecurity flares up, try pausing and saying something kind to yourself, like, "This is really hard right now, and it's okay to feel this way. I'm doing the best I can." It felt a bit strange to me at first, almost unnatural, but with practice, it's become a lifeline. It soothes the sting of insecurity and allows you to approach the situation with a clearer, kinder mind.

5. Set Small, Achievable Goals: Build Momentum & Confidence

Insecurities often thrive when we feel overwhelmed or stagnant. If you're insecure about a particular skill or area of your life, staring at a giant, distant goal can feel incredibly daunting and just feed those feelings of inadequacy. The antidote? Break it down.

Set small, achievable goals that allow you to build momentum and gather little wins along the way. Each small success acts like a deposit in your confidence bank. If you’re insecure about your ability to learn a new language, don’t start with "become fluent in six months." Start with "learn 10 new words this week" or "practice for 15 minutes today."

I used this approach when I was feeling insecure about my fitness. The thought of running a 5k felt impossible. So, my first goal was just to walk for 20 minutes three times a week. Then, to incorporate 1 minute of jogging into those walks. Slowly, steadily, those small achievements built up not just my physical stamina but my confidence in my ability to stick with something and improve.

As James Clear puts it in his bestselling book Atomic Habits, "Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become." Those small, consistent actions, those little achievable goals met, are votes for a more confident, capable you. They provide tangible proof that you can do things, which directly counteracts the whispers of insecurity.

6. Limit Comparison to Others: Run Your Own Race

Ah, the comparison trap. In our hyper-connected world, it's easier than ever to look at someone else's curated highlight reel on social media and feel like our own behind-the-scenes reality doesn't measure up. This is like pouring fertilizer on our insecurities.

Remember, you're comparing your whole life (struggles, messy bits, and all) to someone else's carefully selected best moments. It's not a fair fight! Everyone is on their own unique journey, with their own unique challenges and timelines. Trying to measure your progress against someone else's is like a mango tree feeling insecure because it's not growing as fast as a banana plant – they're different, with different paths to fruition!

I actively have to remind myself of this. When I see someone achieving something I aspire to, and that little pang of "why not me?" or "I'm so far behind" hits, I consciously redirect my thoughts. I try to either find inspiration in their success ("If they can do it, it's possible!") or, more importantly, turn the focus back to my path. What are my next steps? What am I working towards today?

Theodore Roosevelt wisely said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." And it's also a major confidence crusher. Focus on your own journey, celebrate your own progress (however small it may seem), and run your own race. Your path is yours alone, and it's valid and valuable.

7. Seek Supportive Connections & Honest Feedback (from the right people!)

Insecurities can be isolating. They can make us want to withdraw and hide. But often, connecting with supportive, understanding people can be incredibly healing. Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or mentor can help you feel less alone and gain a fresh perspective.

The key here is "supportive" and "right people." You want to share with those who will listen with empathy, not those who will dismiss your feelings or, worse, feed your insecurities. Sometimes, just voicing the insecurity out loud to someone who cares can lessen its power.

It can also be helpful to seek honest, constructive feedback in areas where you feel insecure about your abilities. For instance, if you’re insecure about your writing, asking a trusted colleague or mentor to read a piece and offer specific, actionable feedback can be much more helpful than just stewing in your self-doubt. They might point out strengths you hadn't recognized or offer concrete suggestions for improvement, which is far more empowering than vague fears.

As life coach and author Iyanla Vanzant often advises, it's crucial to "do your work." Part of that work can involve reaching out and allowing others to support you, and also being brave enough to receive feedback that can help you grow. Just ensure your circle is one that lifts you up and provides that constructive, loving honesty.

8. Embrace Imperfection & Practice Self-Acceptance: You're a Work in Progress

This is a lifelong journey, my friend. The goal isn't to become a magically "perfect" human being who never feels a flicker of doubt. That’s unrealistic and, frankly, a bit boring! The goal is to move towards self-acceptance, embracing all parts of yourself – strengths, weaknesses, quirks, and all.

You are a work in progress, and that is perfectly okay. In fact, it’s beautiful. Every experience, every "mistake," every moment of insecurity is a part of your unique story and contributes to your growth. Striving for perfection is a recipe for constant frustration and self-criticism because perfection is an illusion.

When I find myself getting caught up in needing things to be "just right" or feeling down because I'm not "there yet" (wherever "there" is!), I try to remember the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi, which finds beauty in imperfection and transience. There’s a unique beauty in our imperfect, evolving selves.

As Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, beautifully put it, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." When we stop fighting ourselves and start accepting ourselves, flaws and all, we create the space for genuine growth and a deeper, more resilient sense of self. This acceptance is the bedrock of an unshakeable you.

You've Got This!

Navigating insecurities is an ongoing practice, not a one-time fix. Some days will be easier than others. There will be moments when those old, familiar doubts resurface, and that’s okay. The key is to meet them with these tools, with kindness, and with the knowledge that you are far more resilient and capable than your insecurities would have you believe.

Be patient with yourself. Celebrate the small victories. And remember, building that unshakeable inner core is a journey of a thousand small, brave steps. You are worthy, you are capable, and you absolutely own your awesome. Keep shining!